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A youngster has his figurines demonstrating for justice. |
When I was in kindergarten, one of the boys I played with during recess told me that he couldn't play with me because I was a n----r.
That was my first brush with racism, an issue that I've struggled with in almost every aspect of my life: made me angry, made me proud; made me silent, made me loud; filled me with cheer and brought me to tears.
At that point in my young life, I didn't even know what a n-----r was. All I knew is the hurt I felt because I instinctively knew from that moment on that not only had lost a playmate, I had lost a friend.
Impressionable children learn at a very young age about race and form life-long behavior and biases from the people around them. The most influential people in a young child's life are the parents. My long-ago playmate learned his racial biases from his parents.
“Perhaps [children] aren’t intentionally being racist, but racist viewpoints are shaping how they think and see the world,” says Russell Jeung, chair of Asian American Studies at San Francisco State University, “Kids have to unlearn this, and learn how to decouple the virus from a group of people.”
Of the 2,000 incidents collected by Stop AAPI Hate in one month, 11% involved youth as targets, perpetrators, or bystanders. In the cases in which adults were present, only 11% intervened, cites Jeung.
Of the 2,000 incidents collected by Stop AAPI Hate in one month, 11% involved youth as targets, perpetrators, or bystanders. In the cases in which adults were present, only 11% intervened, cites Jeung.
The good news is, however, that parents can also teach their children not to learn racial biased and behavior..
EmbraceRace is a multiracial community dedicated to sharing and developing best practices for raising and caring for kids, all kids, in the context of race.It partnered with MomsRising - a transformative multicultural organization of more than a million members working to increase family economic security and end discrimination against women and mothers - to create these tips for our communities.
They are designed to help parents of all backgrounds talk to and guide their children about race early and often by lifting up age-appropriate activities that can be incorporated easily into your daily life.
At this particular point in time, the death of George Floyd at the knee of the police, and the ensuing demonstrations around the world involving hundreds of thousands, it is near impossible to any child to miss what's happening. So what will you say and do when your young child asks, as only the innocent can say, "Mommy, daddy, why are those people marching in the streets? Why"
Hopefully, these tips provide some much needed support for families committed to building tolerance, racial equity, and a social culture where all kids and families can thrive!
1) Start early.
By 6 months of age babies are noticing racial differences; by age 4, children have begun to show signs of racial bias.
Let your child know that it’s perfectly okay to notice skin color and talk about race. Start talking about what racial differences mean and don’t mean.
2) Encourage your child.
Encourage your child to ask questions, share observations and experiences, and be respectfully curious about race.
Expose your child to different cultural opportunities – photographs, films, books, or cultural events, for example – and discuss the experience afterwards.
You don’t have to be an expert on race to talk with our child. Be honest about what you don’t know and work with your child to find accurate information.
3) Be mindful.What kids hear from us is less important than what they see us do.
You are a role model to your child. What you say is important, but what you do - the diversity of your friendship circle, for example - is likely to have a bigger impact.
If your child doesn’t attend a diverse school, consider enrolling her in a er-school or weekend activities such as sports leagues that are diverse if you’re able. Choose books and toys that include persons of different races and ethnicities. Visit museums with exhibits about a range of cultures and religions.
4) Face and know your own bias.
Let your child see you acknowledge and face your own biases.
We’re less likely to pass on the biases we identify and work to overcome.
Give your child an example of a bias, racial or otherwise, that you hold or have held. Share with your child things you do to confront and overcome that bias.
5) Know and love who you are.
Talk about the histories and experiences of the racial, ethnic, and cultural groups you and your family identify with. Talk about their contributions and acknowledge the less flattering parts of those histories as well.
Tell stories about the challenges your family (your child’s parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents and great grandparents, others) has faced and overcome.
6) Develop racial cultural literacy.
Develop racial cultural literacy by learning about and respecting others.
Study and talk about the histories and experiences of groups we call African Americans, Latinos, Asian Americans, Native Americans, and whites, among others.
Be sure your child understands that every racial and ethnic group includes people who believe different things and behave in different ways . There is as much diversity within racial groups as across them.
7) Be honest.
Be honest with your child, in age-appropriate ways, about bigotry and oppression.
Children are amazing at noticing patterns, including racial patterns (who lives in their neighborhood versus their friends' neighborhoods, for example). Help them make sense of those patterns, and recognize that bigotry and oppression are sometimes a big part of those explanations.
Be sure your child knows that the struggle for racial fairness is still happening and that your family can take part in that struggle.
8) Tell stories.
"Lift up the freedom fighters ": Tell stories of resistance and resilience.
Every big story of racial oppression is also a story about people fighting back and "speaking truth to power." Teach your child those parts of the story too.
Include women, children and young adults among the "freedom fighters" in the stories you tell. A story about racial struggle in which all the heroes are men wrongly leaves many people out.
9) Be active.
Be active - don't be a "bystander" on race.
Help your child understand what it means to be, and how to be, a change agent.
Whenever possible, connect the conversations you're having to the change you and your child want to see, and to ways to bring about that change .
10) Plan for a marathon, not a sprint.
It's okay to say, "I'm not sure" or "Let's come back to that later, okay?" But then do come back to it.
Make race talks with your child routine. Race is a topic you should plan to revisit again and again in many different ways overtime.
So, if you're a parent of a young child and hope to shield your kid from the slings and arrows of racism, you're setting your child up for a major disappointment and unprepared for the real world.
If you want to have your child prepared to deal with the increasingly diverse world, it would be better to start telling your kid about race and what to expect from playmates who have learned their biases from their biased parents.
If you want to have your child prepared to deal with the increasingly diverse world, it would be better to start telling your kid about race and what to expect from playmates who have learned their biases from their biased parents.
They are designed to help parents of all backgrounds talk to and guide their children about race early and often by lifting up age-appropriate activities that can be incorporated easily into your daily life.
At this particular point in time, the death of George Floyd at the knee of the police, and the ensuing demonstrations around the world involving hundreds of thousands, it is near impossible to any child to miss what's happening. So what will you say and do when your young child asks, as only the innocent can say, "Mommy, daddy, why are those people marching in the streets? Why"
Hopefully, these tips provide some much needed support for families committed to building tolerance, racial equity, and a social culture where all kids and families can thrive!
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TWITTER
During last week's demonstrations some parents made it a teaching moment for their child. |
TIPS WHEN YOUR CHILD ASKS, "WHY?'
1) Start early.
By 6 months of age babies are noticing racial differences; by age 4, children have begun to show signs of racial bias.
Let your child know that it’s perfectly okay to notice skin color and talk about race. Start talking about what racial differences mean and don’t mean.
2) Encourage your child.
Encourage your child to ask questions, share observations and experiences, and be respectfully curious about race.
Expose your child to different cultural opportunities – photographs, films, books, or cultural events, for example – and discuss the experience afterwards.
You don’t have to be an expert on race to talk with our child. Be honest about what you don’t know and work with your child to find accurate information.
3) Be mindful.What kids hear from us is less important than what they see us do.
You are a role model to your child. What you say is important, but what you do - the diversity of your friendship circle, for example - is likely to have a bigger impact.
If your child doesn’t attend a diverse school, consider enrolling her in a er-school or weekend activities such as sports leagues that are diverse if you’re able. Choose books and toys that include persons of different races and ethnicities. Visit museums with exhibits about a range of cultures and religions.
4) Face and know your own bias.
Let your child see you acknowledge and face your own biases.
We’re less likely to pass on the biases we identify and work to overcome.
Give your child an example of a bias, racial or otherwise, that you hold or have held. Share with your child things you do to confront and overcome that bias.
5) Know and love who you are.
Talk about the histories and experiences of the racial, ethnic, and cultural groups you and your family identify with. Talk about their contributions and acknowledge the less flattering parts of those histories as well.
Tell stories about the challenges your family (your child’s parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents and great grandparents, others) has faced and overcome.
6) Develop racial cultural literacy.
Develop racial cultural literacy by learning about and respecting others.
Study and talk about the histories and experiences of groups we call African Americans, Latinos, Asian Americans, Native Americans, and whites, among others.
Be sure your child understands that every racial and ethnic group includes people who believe different things and behave in different ways . There is as much diversity within racial groups as across them.
7) Be honest.
Be honest with your child, in age-appropriate ways, about bigotry and oppression.
Children are amazing at noticing patterns, including racial patterns (who lives in their neighborhood versus their friends' neighborhoods, for example). Help them make sense of those patterns, and recognize that bigotry and oppression are sometimes a big part of those explanations.
Be sure your child knows that the struggle for racial fairness is still happening and that your family can take part in that struggle.
8) Tell stories.
"Lift up the freedom fighters ": Tell stories of resistance and resilience.
Every big story of racial oppression is also a story about people fighting back and "speaking truth to power." Teach your child those parts of the story too.
Include women, children and young adults among the "freedom fighters" in the stories you tell. A story about racial struggle in which all the heroes are men wrongly leaves many people out.
9) Be active.
Be active - don't be a "bystander" on race.
Help your child understand what it means to be, and how to be, a change agent.
Whenever possible, connect the conversations you're having to the change you and your child want to see, and to ways to bring about that change .
10) Plan for a marathon, not a sprint.
It's okay to say, "I'm not sure" or "Let's come back to that later, okay?" But then do come back to it.
Make race talks with your child routine. Race is a topic you should plan to revisit again and again in many different ways overtime.
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